Saying Goodbye

Buster passed away at home at two this morning. My parents and I have been up since then. Dad just got up from a nap, but Mom and I haven't slept yet. The last thing I said to Buster when I kissed him goodnight last night was, "You can fight through it. I know you can. You can." And he couldn't. 

Oh, how I miss that dog. It's hard to project my feelings right now. Limited sleep and my depressed mood have me in a daze. I asked Mom at about 10 this morning if this is a dream. My family can't get over the fact that Buster is gone. We will never be able to kiss, hug, pet, or talk to him again. We will never be able to see his wagging tail or touch his soothing, blonde fur again. My heart hurts. I've never loved anything more than that dog.

Buster was a charmer. It's said that you get the dog you need, not the one you want. I needed a kind heart to get me through elementary, middle, and high school. From him, I learned that no matter how another person is (stubborn, arrogant, etc.), it's possible to treat them with kindness. There were so many times I would come home from school frustrated. Buster was able to break down the barrier of anger that I had and get through to me. He always made me feel wanted and that I was worth it.

My favorite memory of Buster was when Dad and I took him to a reservoir back when we lived in California. Lake Hennessey was its name. Buster was pretty young then, maybe 3 years old. We walked from the truck down to the lake shore and told Buster to jump in. And he did! (This lake was a water source for Napa County, so he wasn't really allowed to swim there. Don't tell.) This was one of his first experiences in the water. Even though he's a lab, he's never liked water. He got nervous when he couldn't touch the bottom. Part of his fear is from a lack of experience. My family says Buster left the swimming up to me ;) After getting him out of the water Dad and I tried fishing. There was so much debris from fallen trees that we kept loosing our lures. We moved on and took Buster for a hike. We walked for hours around the lake on a dirt path. Dad eventually dropped the leash and let Buster walk on his own. He stayed with us the entire rest of the hike. I was so proud of him for doing that. We had mutual trust for each other from that point on. Buster was so filthy that day, too.

I feel a sense of relief now that he's no longer in pain, breathing rapidly, or anxious. It hurt me to see such a wonderful being in distress. I did my best to cover up my sadness with a smile when I looked at him yesterday.

One of my club coaches said it best, "Be strong." (Thanks Arkady.) I move into my dorm on Monday and I'm not anywhere close to being packed. It's important for me to stay on track and celebrate the great life Buster had.

Thank you for your thoughts, everyone. Even if you never got to meet him, I'm sure you heard me talking about him and/or saw pictures of him on Facebook. 

Buster did a lot for our family. Without a doubt, he made the last (20 days shy of) 10 years the most enjoyable of my life. Thank you, Buster.